is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
