One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
