I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
