At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
