dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
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He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
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Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you