dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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