Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection