Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night