Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
