My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
