just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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