Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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