if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
