I haven't been this sober since birth.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
