Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
