Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
