I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
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No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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