A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just cut my nipple shaving
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
