Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
