I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
