The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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