You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
