Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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