so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
