I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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