i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
