He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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