Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
