I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
