I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
