Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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