hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
