From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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