if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
