My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
