Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
