i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
