Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
