anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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