I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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