Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
