I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
