I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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