I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
