My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
