The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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