All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
