also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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