I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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