you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
