I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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