WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Did I show you my penis last night?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
