i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
