Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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