Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
