We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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