i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
