He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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