Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
