The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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