R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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