In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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