Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
