OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
