New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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