my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
