Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Your cock deserves a montage
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
