i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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