i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
