He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
