Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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