I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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