You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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